I’d still vouch for that manager today.
That’s the part of the story I don’t want to lose. He forgot a meet and greet with the DEA at a spectacularly bad moment. His character was impeccable. Both things were true.
When somebody lets us down, it’s tempting to go back and reconsider the whole person. Were they ever any good? Was I wrong about them? Sometimes you do need to reconsider. But sometimes a good person has a weakness you already knew about, and you stopped accounting for it.
We knew this guy wasn’t great with details. We were excited to get on with the evening, and for a few minutes we acted as though he was.
That’s worth looking at in your own life. Think of somebody you trust. Now finish the sentence: “I trust them to…”
You might trust someone to tell you an uncomfortable truth. You might trust them to handle an angry client. That doesn’t automatically mean you should trust them to remember a deadline without writing it down.
It’s unfair to expect somebody’s good intentions to cover a weakness you both know is there. And it doesn’t help the relationship when you quietly cover for it, get tired of doing that, and eventually blow up.
So talk about the actual job.
“Walk me through what’s left before we send this.” That gives you something useful to discuss. “Are we good?” mostly gives the other person a chance to reassure you.
I liked asking “Are we good?” I wanted the answer to be yes. In that sense, I was helping make the question less useful. If I’m already halfway out the door, how much room am I leaving for an answer I don’t want?
An open question won’t make anyone infallible. They can still forget something. But you can ask them to pull up the schedule and go through it with you. Then you’re both looking at what needs to happen, instead of trying to decide how confident to feel.
That’s also where you can agree on a little help. Put the deadline in the calendar. Have somebody else check the details. Say who’s doing what. You don’t have to turn it into a trial of somebody’s character.
We ended that particular night staring at a blank blue television screen. The tour manager asked if we were watching the blue channel again. Apparently, we were all quite satisfied with what we were seeing.
Before your next handoff, try one question: “What’s still left to do, and who’s doing it?” Then give the person time to answer.
Who would you trust with your last dollar, but never put in charge of the calendar?